Would I Say This to Someone I Love?

Lately, a lot has happened in my private life—things that have made me question my ability to succeed.

And with that, I started to notice something I had not noticed before: the way I speak to myself in my head. These harsh, demanding words I would never say to someone I love.

Things like: “You are behind.” “Why are you not better than this?” “This is not enough.”

I did not even realize it was happening until my therapist asked, “Who taught you to be this hard on yourself?” 

That question stopped me in my tracks. I did not realize how much that voice had taken over until she named it—and once she did, I could not unhear it.

I started noticing just how mean I could be to myself—and how quietly that meanness had settled in.

So I thought: What if I changed the tone? What if I spoke to myself the way I talk to the people I love?

How This Positive Self-Talk Challenge Works

To speak more kindly to myself, I decided to create a positive self-talk challenge called The Inner Kindness Pact. 

It’s a simple idea: for 7 days, I will pause once a day—especially when I catch myself being unkind—and gently reframe whatever I have just said. The way I do it is not what matters most. What matters is that I do it. 

Whether I speak it out loud, whisper it under my breath, or write it down, the goal is the same: to offer myself a kind, compassionate counter-response.

The rule is simple—ask: What would I say to someone I love if they were in my shoes?

For example:

Instead of “Why are you not better than this?” I could say, “You are doing your best,” or “You are still growing.”

If I hear myself think, “This is not enough,” I might offer, “It is okay to rest.”

And when I feel, “You are behind,” I will remind myself, “You are not behind—you are human.”

Why This Positive Self-Talk Challenge Matters

I think most of us find it easier to be good to others. Many of us grow up learning not to be selfish—to prioritize other people’s needs over our own.

But a smart lady—my Reiki healer, Rita Briffa—once told me something I have not forgotten, “You have to make sure your well is full before you try to pour into anyone else’s.”

Have you ever thought about that? If your well is not stable—if it is cracked or running dry—how can you take care of yourself, let alone anyone else?

We learn how to apologize, how to comfort friends, how to say thank you. But what about inner support? 

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, “I forgive you”?

Is it not funny? We spend more time with ourselves than anyone else in this life—yet so often, we are not even on our own list of priorities.

I want to try this positive self-talk challenge because I am done being my own bully. More than anything, I want to be someone I can trust, even when I fall short. And to me, that means becoming my own bestie.

Your Kind Voice Cheat Sheet

To support you on this 7-day journey, I created a few gentle prompts you can return to any time—whether you write them down, speak them aloud, or simply reflect on them quietly.

You can use these daily, or whenever your inner voice gets mean:

• What did I say to myself today?
• How would I speak to a loved one in the same situation?
• What is one kind sentence I needed today?

You are also welcome to create your own prompts. Whatever feels natural and honest for you. The point is not to perform kindness, but to practice it.

One small sentence at a time.

If you are navigating your own healing, you might resonate with this story I wrote about how grief slowly led me toward growth I never expected.

You’re Invited to Be Kinder to You

If you are anything like me, and your inner voice could use a gentler tone, then you are warmly invited to join me in The Inner Kindness Pact.

As you take on this challenge, remember: you do not need to feel pressure or guilt. All it takes is making space for just one sentence a day—spoken with kindness. That is it.

There is no perfect time to begin, either. Let us not be guided by rigid rules. If it feels right in the morning, do it then. If midday or evening works better, that is just as beautiful. And if you miss a day? Just begin again.

Because it is never too late to become kinder to yourself.

There is always a new opportunity to start showing up—with softness.

Elevate. Empower. Evolve. 

Have you tried this challenge yet? Or are you thinking about starting? I would really love to hear how it feels for you, or any thoughts you want to share. Please feel free to share in the comments below. Your story might inspire someone else.

With softness,
Mikki