What I Believe About ADHD and Accountability

I want to start by saying that I’m a firm believer that having ADHD—or any other neurodivergent trait, for that matter—is not a legitimate reason to justify certain decisions, behaviours, or how you treat other people. 

Neurodivergent or not, we are the masters of our decision-making and the outcomes that follow. We should never use it as an excuse—and we don’t need to.

How I Used to Think About ADHD

Once upon a time, I used to carry this subtle shame around having ADHD. I believed I had to work harder to seem “normal” or not stick out too much.

But what is normal, and what does it even mean to stick out too much?

I hate to say this, but in Denmark—even in 2025—there’s still a certain stigma attached to having neurodivergent traits. Sadly, in my experience, many people still look down on it, which makes people hesitant to embrace their true selves.

When I decided to move to Malta in April 2022, I was single and not planning to get a partner in any way. I just wanted to be myself, but of course, I was open to meeting someone if the chance presented itself. 

At the time, I was the only 25-year-old single girl in my former friend circle in Denmark, and shortly before I moved, I also went through an ADHD assessment and received a diagnosis.

The Comment That Made Me Doubt Telling a Partner About ADHD

During a girls’ night not long before I left Denmark, I remember talking to someone I used to know about how I imagined a potential partner. For some reason, this person managed to sneak in:

“Yeah, and maybe you shouldn’t tell a potential partner that you have ADHD. They might think you’re weird—or you might scare them away.”

I don’t remember the full context, but I haven’t been able to shake it off.

A friend I once trusted made me feel deeply uncomfortable about just being me. I didn’t get to choose this. And I can’t just take it away. Regardless of how minimal the symptoms are, it will always be a part of me.

It made me believe I wasn’t good enough—and that I could mask it by overcompensating in other ways. Like pretending to be okay when I wasn’t, or staying quiet out of fear that I might be disruptive. And so on.

How Telling My Partner About ADHD Set Me Free

Planning to stay single turned out completely opposite from what I had imagined.

I met the most amazing man shortly after I moved to Malta—and his response to my honesty about ADHD completely shifted how I saw myself.

The truth is, my former friend’s words had really altered the way I saw myself. I started believing I should hide it, but my gut feeling told me otherwise when I encountered a situation shortly after meeting Andy.

For some reason, I completely lost focus—at a moment when my distraction probably seemed inappropriate.

So I decided: Now I’m going to be bold and say it like it is. Screw my friend—this is my life, and I can’t hide it forever. I didn’t present it as a warning, excuse, or disclaimer. Just as a part of me and who I am.

Thankfully, Andy responded by thanking me for telling him, saying it helped him understand behaviours he might otherwise have found odd. It was the best thing I could’ve ever done. That honesty opened something between us. It made him more supportive, patient, and compassionate in ways I hadn’t expected.

A deep relief washed over me—like I could finally let go of all my fears. I could relax, and I didn’t have to mask or explain every detail of how I operate. I simply got to be me. Honestly, I think it would’ve been worse if I hadn’t told the truth.

Not everyone will react the way Andy did, but most people appreciate honesty—and the chance to make decisions based on it. I’m still yet to scare him away, haha.

Big Conversations, Small Practices

Telling your partner about ADHD is a big, bold step. If you’re curious about the fears I carried before this moment, you can read more in The Fears That Almost Stopped Me From Telling My Partner About My ADHD.

And if you’d like something lighter, I also wrote about 5 Simple Wellness Habits that help me feel grounded day-to-day — whether you’re navigating ADHD or simply wanting to care for yourself more intentionally.

Embrace Your ADHD—And Let the Right People Stay

Honesty never makes you a burden.

It gives people the choice to love you as you truly are. And the right people? They’ll see your truth and stay—no matter how your brain works.

Let’s be real: is it even worth keeping someone in your life if you can’t be fully honest with them? If you have to dim parts of yourself to keep them comfortable? Whether it’s a partner or a friend, you deserve to be your true self.

I really believe we should never shrink to meet someone else’s expectations. If they’re not yours, why should you live by them?

🧩 Have you ever felt like you had to hide a part of yourself in relationships?
🧩 What happened when you stopped?

I’d love to know. Share your story in the comments below, or tag us on Instagram @longbluofficial and tell us what resonated with you. Let’s open this conversation. You never know who might need to hear your truth.

Elevate your story. Empower your honesty. Evolve without apology.

With great empowerment,
Mikki

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🌼 Explore the Authentic Connection Series

This reflection is part of our comprehensive guide: ADHD in Relationships: A Guide to Authentic Connection.

You can also find all reflections in this series on our Authentic Connection tag page.